the Illuminati:Privacy policy

From the Illuminati

Rest assured that your personal and financial information will not be revealed to any person, business, government entity, or alien presence without our consent. Your information is safe with us, and will never be forgotten. We actually know a lot more about you than you might expect. You might ask, what's the point in a privacy policy when we already know everything? In a nutshell, we want you to know that even though we are in control of you, as long as you do whatever we tell you to, we will NEVER divulge embarrassing facts or photos of you, under any circumstance.*

Disclaimer: From time to time, the Illuminati may reveal incriminating little tantalizing nuggets of information through side channels to remind you that you need to stay focused on the goals we set for you, and occasionally we will seamlessly frame you into situations that you may have no real connection to in order to be sure that you don't make any "mistakes". The Illuminati assumes no responsibility for the accidental divulgence of masticulatory fnord data, apart from and disconnected to the occasional daily Newspeak summary of internal affairs, which is sometimes emailed internally to outside offices of appellate bodies and orders, such as random and assorted Lodges, Team Illuminati groups, Illuminati Youth, and NASA Administration Picnics, that need something to feed their limbic systems with.
Additionally, if you are a politician or public figure, this privacy policy is rendered null and void upon assumption of power, political or otherwise, if we deem you to be of any use to us. Please understand that this is entirely impersonal and any resistance will be met with total destruction.